Mike Röhm’s new bill promises universal health for all Amerikkkans—who happen to be white.
Early Tuesday morning, House Speaker Mike Röhm called a special legislative session to introduce and force through a controversial bill. Dubbed as FührerCare for All, this unexpected act intends to provide universal healthcare strictly for white Amerikkkans. Furthermore, the namesake of the piece of legislation was reportedly chosen as appeasement to the youth demographic of the Republican Party. “The Left can’t take a joke anymore,” the Speaker of the House told us. “We can’t exactly ignore the Fuentes portion of our base, can we?”
The piece of legislation has received backlash from the rightists of the Lardestag for its broad definition of whiteness, namely the inclusion of the Irish, Slavs, and Italians. “Are you kidding me?” one 18-year-old Republican Lardestag member of Dutch descent told us. “The Irish used to work with the ethnics in building our railroads, and now they get universal healthcare with the rest of us whites?” One of the act’s most vocal opponents, Stephen Himmler of the Reich Internal Affairs, has called for the Speaker to be dealt with permanently for daring to include those groups. It is unclear whether Himmler intended his remarks as a political or physical threat. The Metropolitan Police Department of DC declined to comment whether Himmler had been questioned.
Many of Röhm’s critics were quick to remind the Amerikkkan public that the Speaker is known to frequent the gay hookup app Grindr. Criticizing his actions as against the party’s values, a growing social media trend is advocating for his execution. Röhm’s son also spoke out against his father, saying “he’s a gay porn addict who’s addicted to hooking up with gay dudes”. While Führer and Burgherschanzlor Adolf Drumpf still views Röhm as a key ally, others, such as the aforementioned Himmler, have privately stated concerns of Röhm consolidating power via his new bill, though these talks have not dissuaded the Führer from keeping Röhm in his current position.